Being Brothers: Redo
by Innocuous
Summary: AU. Sam and Dean have other brothers. Sam is the youngest, Dean is the middle brother, and Eloise is their big brother. They grew up close as kids, but after an unfortunate event, they get separated for years. It had become too long that the bond they used to share gets severed. And then Sam gets to come back home...
1. Chapter 1: Renewed Beginning

Being Brothers: Redo

Chapter One: Renewed Beginning

He has been casually tossing glances towards the direction of his passenger riding shotgun for the most part of the drive since they left their school parking lot together; which is their normal set-up everyday for as long as they have known each other. The two of them always leave school together.

Since they started learning how to drive, they go to and leave the campus together; switching rides with each others own every other day, since neither wants to be separated from the other should they be driving their respective vehicles. Joined at the hip, that's them two.

It's been five minutes since and still, the look being projected by said passenger, who also happens to only be his best friend all his life, all 18 years of him; seem to not be going away anytime soon to not at all.

He smirks to that, and then shook his head, amused, as he pans his gaze away onto the road ahead; his turn to be driving them today. Otherwise if he kept staring at his passenger and the said 'look', they'd run into trouble; himself driving without looking since he was looking somewhere else other than the road.

"Dude, if I didn't know any better, I'd tell you to stop it already-what with that look on your face right now." Says the driver, Brandon Macallister, to his buddy; riding shotgun from him who turns to him, "What?" passenger boy asks innocently of the implication in Brandon's remark to him.

"Knowing the you of before, man," Brandon goes on to say.

"Yeah?" Says the passenger, handsome face still beaming happily-his eyes are sparkling,

"...I'm just saying, Dean, seeing that face normally means it involves some things nasty up here." He gestures to his own head; to this, the other boy, Dean, only smirks his agreement to it somehow. His best friend knowing him so well it was assuring, as well as endearing to him; but he would never go as far as telling that to the Macallister boy, ever.

The passenger resumes looking out his side of the window again at the patches of scenery outside again.

"But since I do know better, Dean," Brandon resumes saying, "... I'd say good for you, man." He reaches in and claps 18-year Dean Winchester on the chest with his hand. "Good for you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhm."

Dean turns to him again but only for a second to give his buddy a smile and a nod. Then his gaze is out the window yet again.

"I am happy, B." Dean says after awhile.

"I can tell."

"That's cause you know me so well it's disgusting sometimes." Dean's remark and grimace owns a laugh from Brandon. "Which is reason enough I think, I owe you a thanks, man."

Brandon tosses Dean a glance but Dean has kept his face away from the other boy this time, his eyes are directed onto the road ahead now, as opposed to him looking out his side of the window earlier. Brandon even noticed the shift in the Winchester boy's voice. He sounded serious.

"Thanks for what?" Brandon asks as his attention shifted from Dean to his driving.

"You didn't let up on pushing, B. Until I got my sanity back. Til I got everything I felt for the kid back. If it had been left to me, I'd have kept on hating him, you know?" Dean swipes his palm to his face, he chuckles humorlessly, "I'd have kept shoving him further and further away-and then let go altogether." He shakes his head and then lets out a sigh."That right there would have been the biggest mistake I could have ever done since... since the other one I did years ago..." his voice trails off. "...let him get sent away like that. I didn't even put up a fight."

"That's all in the past now, Dean." Brandon says, reaching in to give his buddy a squeeze on the arm. "You've snapped out of it now! And you've been making it up like crazy to the kid. So, it's all good!"

"I love that kid so much, man." Dean says, a lop-sided smile breaks through his serious look moments ago. "After what happened, after he got sent away...I thought I had stopped, you know? What with our old man turning us against the kid. But it turns out, B?" He turns to Brandon, "I didn't. I never stopped. And right now? I think I even love him even more." He turns his face away, back to his window, "I love my little brother." He says with a warm smile on his face, "I love Sam."

Brandon could not help but shadow the smile on his best friend's face at the moment right there. Then silence overtook them. After a beat skips, and a minute;

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not gonna bust out crying on me any moment now, are you?"

"Not anymore, I'm not!" Dean sits up in his seat, perking himself up. Brandon laughs to this, and to Dean quickly wiping his eyes with the front collar of his shirt.

"You're a bast*rd you know that?" He even gruntles under his breath in his seat at the Macallister boy who only laughs even more at the reaction from Dean. "That's the last time we're getting intimate, Macallister!" Dean says petulantly like a 9-year old version of him would be doing as Brandon recalls; the second the vehicle pulls over at the Macallisters, Dean gets out; still grumbling under his breath incoherently.

"Oh come on?" Brandon, amused, coming out of his seat too but not removing himself altogether from the open driver's side door; follows Dean with his eyes as his buddy stalks towards his house where the guys are hanging out tonight.

"You know that's what I live for, Dean?!" He further calls out after Dean, already at the porch; meeting Brandon's big cousin Mac with their secret handshake; he is also Dean's close buds with Brandon, growing up together alongside three more other boys.

Brandon smirks after Dean turns to face him, wearing a cocky smug grin on his handsome face, "This means no more cuddling from me, dude!" Dean bats back before disappearing inside the house.

Brandon laughs at the harmless banter between them as he gets back inside his vehicle to better park it in the driveway. Another one of their buddies, Henry Matthewson, the brainboy of the group just joins Brandon in the walkway after parking his jiffy across the street.

"Hey, B!"

"You brought the beer?" Brandon waits up for him to cross the street,

"Uh-no!" Henry replies, a questioning frown on his face."On account of we don't drink beer."

"Yeah, we drink hard liquor." Brandon slings his arm around Henry's neck en route to the porch.

"By that, we mean milk, right?"

"Course! Otherwise my mom would be killing us dead!"

"By that, you mean your girlfriend, right?"

"Mmhm." Brandon says, "Your big sister, she hates alcohol! Call me whipped, I just love that girl to pieces, what she says? Just goes. Love her that way!" He meets Henry's face, "And I love you too, Henry."

"Don't think for one second you're gonna make me forget what I saw at the cafeteria this morning, Brandon-between you and that new cafeteria chick! It's gonna take more than your love too buy me out this time, man. I mean, I love you too here, no question." He even gamely gives Brandon a quick hug too; Brandon of course hugs back, amused; Henry pulls away, "But it turns out I love Peaches too, Macallister. You know, your girlfriend Peaches? My big sister!"

"Do you even know what me and that chick were talking about earlier?"

Henry's curiosity peaked. "What?"

"You. She was asking about you." Brandon playfully pumps his brows; and suggestively even.

"Really?" Henry's face lit up like a kid at Christmas.

"No."

"Dean." Henry growls, upper lip curled. "She was asking about him."

"Yup, she was asking me for his number."

"Dean always gets the ladies, doesn't he? Bast*rd!" Henry gruntles.

They had barely wrapped up between them when the front door opens and the subject of their conversation pops up with his ego and his handsome face at the front porch.

"Dude, seriously here? What is taking you so long out here?" Dean calls out to Brandon, he sees Henry who waves at him. "Could you ladies maybe take it inside? Is it a secret-what?"

Both boys wave their respective hands at him dismissively; thinking that that had been it, that only had Dean coming over to join him.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." Henry says, shrugging.

"Tell me."

Dean turns to Brandon, who was about to say something but Henry cuts him in. "Must you always do as he says?" Gesturing respectively from the Mac boy to Dean. Brandon nods, Henry purses his cheeks at him. "And you," to Dean, with a growl, "Must you always know everything he's into?" Gesturing from Dean to Brandon.

"Course." Came the curt response. "And by the way, about that conversation between you and Sennett the other day-" the Winchester boy dots Henry on the chest, but not necessarily injurious. "-every detail, you hear?"

"You got it, man!" Henry says eagerly , slinging his arm around Dean's neck. "Tell you all about it later, Dean." He whispers to Dean, away from Brandon beside him, "But don't tell him anything though, okay?" He says in reference to Brandon.

"Tell you all about it, B." Dean says casually to his best friend over Henry.

"Or you can go right ahead and tell him! Whatever, I don't care!" Henry says. Brandon could only smirk to this in the background.


	2. Chapter 2: Red Wagon Memory

Chapter Two: Red Wagon Memory

[Four years prior] Lincoln Plains.

14 year old Dean Winchester is sitting on the Mac's front porch steps. A can of soda in his hand, but so far he hasn't swigged it, he has however, after opening it, been toying with it; swirling the soda inside the can. He can't actually see what's going on inside the thing per se, but at least the swooshing sound the liquid was making inside was entertaining him atleast momentarily. He sighs heavily and then the crease on his forehead returns with a vengeance.

After a string of cusses in his head, he belts one crispy one out loud which owns him a scold from the only other person he was sharing the porch with that time.

Dean looks up peripherally to his best friend; perched on the bannister to his right, facing the street much like Dean was, legs dangling under him.

"Sorry, B."

Brandon shakes his head dismissively, "Don't worry about it." He says as he watched Dean resume swirling his soda again. "So what's been eating you anyhows?" Brandon calls out, "I mean, first day of summer we're supposed to be at Todd's already! Shooting hoops, ogling at Mac's girl for the week, making fun of Robin's new haircut and most importantly laughing at Henry's replacement braces, but we're here, Dean. You're there, moping. And I'm here watching you do it. What's up with that?"

"Hey, I didn't ask you to stay Macallister! And I actually told you to go, didn't I?" Dean snarls at him, but he doesn't turn to the other boy, his eyes are focused onto the pathway in front of him, "So go already! Who's stopping you anyhow? I sure ain't!"

Brandon could just grimace to this the entire time; he knows whenever Dean has some issues, you just have to allow him to vent and not hit him head-on. And that is exactly what the boy is doing. Allowing. Enabling. And not engaging Dean.

"I just don't feel like going home yet, alright? Or going off anywhere else for that matter... I just..." Dean goes on to say, only when he said it this time, he was calmer. Silence, and then a heavy sigh came out of him, "I'll leave in a bit, B. You should go..."

"Not like this, I'm not!" Brandon gets off the bannister and relocates across the step from Dean; they're seated on either end of the top step. This time, they're facing each other; a couple of feet away from each other. Dean has somehow swiveled to face his buddy. "We're talking. Cause there's no way I am leaving you alone, Dean. Not with this going on." He says in reference to what's going on with Dean.

"Yeah, well, I'm not telling you anything here, so you might as well just go." Dean says petulantly, this time before swigging his drink.

"Is this Maureen-related by any chance?"

"Like I said, not saying anything, B." Dean thumps the back of his head against the bannister he was leaning against.

"Dude, stop that!" Brandon kicks him on the foot lightly; Dean of course kicks back.

"It's got nothing to do with my girl, okay? It's..." he swipes his palm to his face before resorting to nurse the bridge of his nose with his free hand; "Do you know that I would have already forgotten all about him altogether, B? I mean, all these years, I had been doing real good too. I have. I just don't get why he has to come back. I just don't get it...I friggin' don't."

"Who's back, Dean?"

Their eyes held each other for awhile, but then Dean breaks away first from the Mac boy as he gets up from the step and started walking away; Brandon would have gotten up after him, only Dean stops halfway down the driveway. He stood there immobile too; Brandon does get up and walked over to him. "Who's back, Dean?"

Without even turning to face him, Dean says "It's Sam, B. He's coming back." He tosses the half-empty soda can aside with offense onto the trash can nearby. "He's coming home .."

It wasn't long after for the conversation to turn ugly; "In which part exactly of my moping half the day did I hint anywhere in there that I was happy he's coming back, Brandon?" Dean spat angrily, "I'm not happy, alright? At all!"

"Don't think for a second I believe that lie about forgetting Sam all these years, Dean, cause we both know you're lying! Look at me!"

Dean brushes Brandon off after the boy tried getting him to face him.

"All those years Dean, I saw you, alright? I could see how much you were holding on to the kid...his memories in your head, of the kid because you never stopped loving him!"

"What are you talking about, Brandon?" Dean says exasperatedly, "I hate that kid with all my heart, B...you know that?"

"No, you don't!"

"I'm outta here!" Dean started to walk away but Brandon was right on his heels, "The way you would stop and stare at a red wagon being pulled by a kid at the park, Dean...how you would go space out and then smile at yourself without saying anything to any of us? Or that one time, that one time-you saw a mug with ears, remember that? Or that one time Grama Amaliah went on and on about dust bunnies carrying you off one of these days cause you don't clean your room?"

Dean, after Brandon brought up the red wagon, pretty much did not hear much of anything else after that; it was like he was at some place else, specifically way back when he was 6 and he was lugging this shiny red wagon behind him; not easily either. Riding it was his plump and happy little sidekick, then 2-year old baby brother Sam. Brandon behind the thing, pushing it; while Dean pulled. All the while his baby brother's happy squealing ringing in his ears as if it wasn't just a memory, that it was as though actually happening at the moment; only it wasn't really.

"I was there, Dean. Those were memories that made you happy. Memories you did not forget. Memories of Sammy..."

As if from out of nowhere, "It's Sam!" Dean spat after that beautiful red wagon memory was suddenly pulled out from under him after he heard Brandon call the kid 'Sammy." The sacred moniker only he is allowed to call Sam by way way back before everything went down down south. Before he altogether let go.

Brandon wanted so much to laugh to that automatic reaction from Dean just like way back then when they were kids, but he didn't. The look on his best friend's face was heartbreaking. For as long as he has known the Winchester boy, Dean has always been stubborn. Proud too. Cocky proud. But he's also fiercely loyal, protective and would do just about anything for people he loves. And he knows how much Dean loves Sam. Has always loved him. If there was anybody his best friend could ever love with so much devotion in it, that would be Sam. He loves his grandparents and his friends very much; his mom and dad, even big brother Eloise. But there was always that extra gallon for Sam. Brandon has never forgotten that about Dean when they were growing up with Sam before.

After Dean told him Sam was coming back, returning home to where he really should be, where he belongs; and it is beside his big brother; the Mac boy believes it's not gonna be long now before Dean's gonna snap out of the brainwashing their old man did on him and his big brother towards Sam and he'd be coming around to realizing it soon too, just how much he really loves the kid again.

He was witness to everything before; how inseparable the brothers were; even more than himself and Dean are. And when Sam does come back and he and Dean return to that kind of relationship between them again and he gets replaced by Sam, even that he was gonna tolerate.


	3. Chapter 3: Homecoming

Chapter Three: Homecoming

"Dean, where are you going?" Brandon calls out at his best friend, who with slumped shoulders was walking away towards his own bike sprawled at the edge of the driveway next to his best friend Brandon's bike; where they left them earlier after a couple of rides-along the block; with their friends-Mac, Todd, Henry and Robin. "Dean!" He calls out again.

"Whaaaat?" Dean snaps back, brows furrowed as he was picking up his bike. He faces Brandon as he stood there at the driveway's edge.

"Are we good, man?"

Dean could just shake his head as he regarded his best friend standing at the steps. "Depends. Are you gonna cry if I told you we're not?" He snarks; gone from his face the angry, furrowed look of earlier.

Brandon smirks, "Yes, man. I am gonna bust out crying over here if you do." He says, "And you know how much Mac loves me, man. He'll kick your b*tt for making his favorite baby boy cousin cry."

Dean heaves a big sigh, and then a big smile invades his handsome face, "We're good, B. But not because I'm scared of Mac, alright? He don't scare me none! Just so we're clear!" He says as he turns his bike around and got on it. Before he left altogether though, he paused and turns to Brandon who was just about to head inside, "B-"

"Yeah?"

"You're wrong you know..."

"I really am Mac's favorite baby boy cousin, 're not taking that away from me, man!" Brandon started to say.

Dean smirks but it was a short one, he reverts to serious, "About him, B. Sam...you're wrong."

"What do you mean?"

Dean looks at Brandon for awhile before he spoke again, "I used to. I really did. But I don't now. I don't love him anymore." By the time he said the last part, his face had already panned away from Brandon as he altogether took off on his bike down the street.

The Mac boy could just stand there shaking his head, sad. But still hopeful.

—-

Armando Whitfield, the minute the 10-year old stepped out into the waiting area at the airport had long since seen the kid. But he didn't immediately have his presence recognized.

For a good while he stood at a distance just looking at the kid; watching him fondly; people just casually walking around him, past him like he wasn't even there. But Armando knows he was. And the kid has a happy smile on his face as he stood there in the middle of the room, clutching his stuffed teddy bear; expectant. It was the same happy smile the grandfather remembered on the used to be chubby 4-year old before he saw him last time; same place, the airport, when John decided on sending the kid away.

He's 10 now. 6 years had gone by between the then and now. Not an ounce of baby fat on him whatsover as far as Armando can tell at the moment.

The second Sam's bright brown pair caught his grandfather standing there, the kid's face lit up even brighter; his happy smile, even happier. The kid cheerfully and eagerly made his way around people to where his grandfather waited for him. When he got within a couple of feet from him though, he halted, looking up; he waited. He and Armando stood there for a second just looking at each other before the old man nodded his invitation. And soon enough, he was wearing a Sammy necklace in no time after the kid practically pounced on him. It was no synch for him to pick up the kid in his arms too, what with Sam losing all the baby fat he used to have as a kid way younger before than now.

"I've missed you, grampa." Sam says to his grandfather's neck as he started to sulk. "I really have." He shut his eyes and just hugged the old man around the neck tighter. Armando could just hug the kid just as tight. It broke his heart. If it had been up to him, what happened would have been easily corrected, only John pulled his daddy card on them; reason behind Sam getting sent to live with John's brother's family in Lincoln Valley for all these years. Away from his grandparents and away from his big brothers.

After Mary died it was as if John, as their father, died on his kids too.

"Where have all the chubby gone, sweetheart?" Armando fondly asks the kid as he pulled away from the embrace, he brushes the hair back from Sam's face and the tears, he wiped with his free hand. He still hasn't put the kid down and is just holding onto him.

Sam gave him a warm smile and a knowing look as he clutched his chest next to his heart with his small hand.

His heart broke even more. He knows of the reason why Jorgine was adamant to send Sam home behind John's back. She just had to do it before it was gonna be too late. Sam is sick. And judging by the look and gesture Sam gave him, it's apparent he knows it too.


	4. Chapter 4: FailureOfEpicnessProportion

Chapter Four: Failure Of Epicness Proportion

He felt really sore having to have to lie to Sam about it. Only when the kid started to ask where his big brothers were, he knew he just had to come up with the only option available at his disposal. His only means of defensive arsenal at the moment.

He didn't want to do it, he doesn't condone it on his grandkids either; but at the moment himself was resorted to breaking the no lying rule at home to Sam. Lie through his teeth he did.

'Busy with remnant school work' was the best he could come up with. But it seem to have worked, Sam didn't prod anymore. He just couldn't tell the kid it was not gonna be like before with his brothers; that the damage has been done, John saw to that before he took off and has not come back since; three years ago.

Dean is still a loving boy, so is Eloise, the oldest; but everytime the topic of Sam was discussed before, a year after Sam left, the brothers revert to how John would be reacting to it. Wired, angry and abrasive. And so, the old couple just altogether stopped talking about Sam.

Until a day ago when Jorgine Winchester called, Sam's existence was practically denied by everybody. When they told Dean and Eloise about it, the brothers blew their own respective fuses. It was ugly. Only after Armando and his wife Amaliah put their collective feet down, the brothers back off.

Eloise took off for his own place having just turned 18 three months ago. While Dean took to the Macallisters. If Dean had been of age too he'd have decided to take off altogether last night and live with Eloise in his place downtown. Only, the grannies would have none of that. So he is stuck at home with his maternal grandparents. And later, come morning, stuck with Sam too; who is only the one person he was running away from the most apart from his grannies, who according to him are abusing him emotionally by pushing Sam on him.

Dean, after leaving the Macs decided against going home just yet. He knows what's coming to meet him when he does get back. He feels he is not ready for it; facing the past; facing Sam and all the pain the kid supposedly brought to the family according to their dad.

He thought of heading over to The Williamses, Todd's place, he's only one of his closest, dearest buddies growing up alongside the Macs-Marclester and Brandon, Henry Matthewson and the baby of the group, three years their junior, Robin Sennett. Todd and Mac are a couple of years senior to him, B and the brainboy, Henry, but they get along pretty well.

After Dean counted the fact that Brandon's gonna be there and would just prod at him about Sam again, he thought about going solo for awhile instead.

He was coming in the back door, grabbing an apple along the way in the kitchen and was enroute to his bedroom down the hall crunching happily on his merry way, when he realized he was supposed to be dreading coming home. He mentally cussed at himself as he slowly and noiselessly made his way back down the steps to get on out of there again before Sam even gets there. Only he doesn't get far. He'd been too late. He groans inwardly to this.

The fact that he was hearing their grandfather's voice; it could only mean that since he's home, that Sam is already there too now. He was found out.

"Dean..." he hears his grandfather behind him down the opposite end of the long hallway calling him in this authoritative tone. He cusses mentally again as he turned to Armando. Two minutes into the conversation and they are already viciously arguing. Dean was too caught up in the ugly conversation with their grandfather, and the old man too with Dean, neither of them noticed that Sam had somehow come out of the bedroom in the middle of the hallway and the kid was in the crossfire between them.

"No! You're both being unfair to both Ted and me here, Armando! You can't force this on us! You can't! You know why? Cause I'm not gonna allow it!" Dean says cockily.

"You are 14 years old, boy, what the hell would you know?" The old man angrily says crossing the distance between him and Dean.

"What do you?" Dean cries out. And that right there owns the boy a slap across the face. The second he hit Dean, he heard not only the older boy's whimper but Sam's. Both Dean and Armando immediately notice him standing there. Being there.

And the kid looked scared and tearful.

The old man's breath caught; but mostly Dean's.

'Sammy...' Dean whispers the kid's name in his head, his eyes started to water too; the fact that Sam was actually there and he could see him, after 6 long awful years of not being able to, he immediately wanted to enable the big brother side of him; the version that was stuck in the past dragging that red wagon around with Sammy in it; he wanted so much at that moment to just grab the kid and hug him for ages; tell him he loves him, misses him; and his one hand had actually started to move on its own and reach out to the kid; begin dropping his walls, but then Sam at that moment got too caught up hearing their grandfather telling him to go back to his bedroom that he failed to see Dean about to make such contact with him; unfortunately, so does Armando.


	5. Chapter 5: Break Three Apart

Chapter Five: Break Three Apart

Dean wanted to leave the house altogether and head back to the Macs or wherever that isn't home, only he finds himself not leaving at all. His legs brought him rather to the shed around the side of the house; as he sat there on top of one of the crates stacked up in there, once he got settled altogether, that was when he finds himself smiling. He recalled having just seen Sam. His baby brother Sam all grown up.

'What happened to rest of you kiddo?' He says all amused, as if he was talking to Sam, only he wasn't. Sam wasn't there. He was taking into account in his head how differently the kid looked now. But even without need for introduction whatsoever, even if they do not see each other for ages, he's still gonna know Sam anywhere.

'Your eyes looked just like mom's, Sam. Just like I remembered them.' Dean sighs, he shuts his eyes to go back to what just happened earlier. He sees the kid's face again. He nurses his chest. And then tears invade his vision when he opened them. Dean tells himself to just head back inside and find the kid. But somehow the other half of him, the one that has been angry and bitter all these years wouldn't let him.

[Cue in 6 years prior]

MARY had just died a full month then. The boys are in the kitchen, Dean had just come home from school and as was his custom, he immediately scours the house for Sam. Today though he doesn't find him. And he had just been told why. JOHN had just come back from the airport with Armando after sending Sam off to live with Aaron Winchester, their uncle. Dean has been crying his little 8 year old heart out when Eloise came home from his school. His middle brother immediately wraps his arms around his big brother and cried even more. After he was himself told of that happened, the oldest child told their old man an earful; only that was as far as what he could do. He was a kid himself. Just as helpless as Dean. As helpless as Sam.

"We just lost mom, dad. And now Sam too?" The 12 year old has tears running down his face as he hugged Dean even tighter. "Why, dad? I could take care of him and Dean. I have been taking care of them. Mom would want me to." His voice shook as he cried even harder now, he felt Dean's arms around his waist tighten. "They are my little brothers,daddy."

"You are relieved of that burden, boy."

"Burden? It's no burden, dad...you know I love my brothers? They're my responsibility now. Mom would want me to take care of them."

"You are going to Briar, boy." John says flatly. Unaffected, unfazed by what he is doing to Mary's boys; his very own kids as well. At the moment, he is too caught up in feeling lost at his loss, losing her- love of his life, he wants his boys to feel the same pain themselves. John had somehow failed to realize that they already are. They just lost their mother. But John doesn't see that. He thinks he is the only one in pain. So tear the boys away from each other he does.

It made him unreasonable and insanely jealous that his three boys could and would still be able to find it in them to laugh, be happy around each other after having just lost Mary. He felt it was unfair. He wanted to put a stop to the laughter at home. Mary is dead. There shouldn't be laughter anymore.

And then it dawns on John, just what it was that still made the boys pull through being happy. He zeroes in on Sam. His big brothers's source of happiness. The reason Eloise and Dean are happy, laughing, moving on. He had to do something. He thinks his Mary deserves to be mourned over forever. Just like he intends to; John wanted Dean and Eloise to do that too. And even Sam. But since he was still too young to understand loss, Dean and Eloise would have to do the mourning for him too.

"Boarding school? I'm going to boarding school, dad? No! I won't, dad! Who's gonna take care of Dean but me?" Eloise tightened his hold on his middle brother.

"Dean is living with with your grandparents starting next week you don't have to take care of anything anymore."

"No, Teddy! I don't want to go anywhere without you!" Dean has one hand on his big brother's cheek to make him look at him, his green eyes are imploring. "Please, Teddy? I want to stay with you...with Sammy...we have to get Sammy back, Teddy. We have to. Please? Please Teddy, please?" Big fat tears are streaming down the 8-year old's face which were shadowed by his big brother's own. He cradles Dean's nape in his free hand as he hugged him with the other. He wanted to say 'yes.' Yes to everything Dean was asking of him, but he knows his capabilities are limited; him being just a kid himself. Eloise looks up at their old man about to head upstairs, their eyes meet.

"Dad...please don't take Dean away from me too, you already took Sam... I beg you, dad?"

John only looks at him, like Eloise was on mute; the senior Winchester says nothing. He leaves the den and his boys altogether in there.

Eloise is basically doing his best to be a big boy, he doesn't break altogether. But his heart is in pieces. He hugs Dean the tightest he could hug him. Resting his cheek onto Dean's top of the head; as he kept whispering to his brother he loves him along that his apologies.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry..."

After he managed to console the kid, Eloise sat Dean down on his bed in his room next to him as he kept his arms around the boy. Dean was practically constricting in the hug he has of both arms around his big brother's waist but Eloise doesn't mind the connection.

"I promise I'd call you everyday when I get there, okay? And at weekends I'm coming home. That will be two days too we can spend together, right, squirt?" He takes Dean's face by the chin to look at him. He kisses him on the face repeatedly after Dean gave him a toothy smile and a nod amidst silent tears.

"What about Sammy, Ted?"

Eloise gets stumped. The thought of their baby brother that their dad just gave away just like that, without him and Dean being able to say even their goodbyes to him, it made him hurt in the gut really bad he wanted to just quit breathing altogether. He knows their mom was gonna be disappointed with him. He failed her. The boy felt like dying. But somehow Dean's hug around him is giving him strength.

"Tell you what, Dean...the second I get setted in Briar... i'm gonna head up to see Sam in the Valley, okay?"

"I wanna come with you to get Sammy..."

"You can't though."

"Why not?"

"The grannies are gonna know if you left their place to come with me and then dad's gonna know and..he's not gonna want us to see Sam. You want to know how Sam is doing, don't you?"

"I do, Teddy. I miss him so much it hurts in here." Dean clutches his chest next to his heart.

"My heart hurts too, squirt. I miss Sam too." Eloise hugs Dean. "I'm gonna ask this new buddy of mine, remember Jared? The one we met at the park, we were hanging out with Joe and Ace that time, remember him, Dean?"

"He's cool, Ted!" Dean says within the hug.

"Yeah, he is."

"But you're cooler, Teddy!" Dean looks up at his big brother's face. Big smile on his handsome face.

"Thanks, Dean!" Eloise smirks, he kisses the kid on the cheek fondly. "So, I'm gonna ask Jared for help to see Sam, Dean. And then after I make sure Sam's okay, I'm gonna call you and tell you all about it. I promise. You'd like that, yeah?"

"Yes, Teddy...very much."

Dean snaps back to 6 years later, and Sam being back home.

'He's back, Teddy.' Dean says in his head, 'Our baby brother's home. How come we're not. We've waited for this for so long...I know I have. But I can't have dad take him away again just because. I can't go through that misery again...I won't...' he buries his head to his chest in misery anyways, 'But I miss him... I have missed him for so long, it hurts all over again...' he ended up crying his heart out.


	6. Chapter 6: Painfree You & Me

Chapter Six: Painfree You And Me

Dean spent the greater part of the afternoon crying in the shed until he was all cried out. He'd have spent the night in there even, only upon his phone ringing and his big brother asking him to meet him right away, the kid's itinerary altogether got rearranged. All those years growing up without Sam, he didn't grow up without Eloise, just like his big brother promised- he was there for Dean. He may have failed with Sam already, but not gonna with Dean too.

The brothers are sitting next to each other on a park bench right next to a lake. After they got to talking about the situation at the moment, what with Sam making a reappearance back into their lives, both brothers could pretty much do nothing else but air out their distress to each other. They wanted to celebrate it, as should they, but somehow, they can't. They both didn't want to risk the pain again.

"He's actually grown up now, Ted. You should have seen him." Dean fondly recalls seeing Sam earlier, and how the kid resembles not a teletubbie anymore; unlike before when he did. Eloise cannot help but snicker at Dean's description of former Sam. He even playfully shoves Dean to scold; pulling out pretend whining from Dean. "Whaaaat?" Dean goes on with the whine,

"That's a tad bit harsh there, squirt!"

"It's the truth!" The younger boy laughs."Remember how much he weighed before, Ted?"

"Oh I don't know, a ton!" Eloise laughs, so does Dean.

"Now THAT's harsh!" Dean spat, his eyes reduced to nothing more than slits on his face; much as Eloise's were too. It took them awhile before they got over laughing at that particular memory too, one that they shared about Sam and a red wagon; both of them having been there then, and the younger Mac boy Brandon with them.

They both fell quiet after awhile, and then Dean started to sniffle. "I've missed him."

Eloise looks at his little brother but Dean doesn't meet his gaze. The older boy's heart went to the kid; he could practically read the loneliness in his kid brother's voice. He reaches in and gave Dean's shoulder a squeeze. "Me too, squirt."

"What are we supposed to do, Ted? Cause I can't go through it all again should dad come back and send Sam away again. Cause that was really hard, man..." Dean sobbed. "...really hard."

"Come here..." Eloise pulls the kid to him in a hug. "...I guess we just have to keep doing what we've been doing all these years, Dean. It's been working for us, yeah?"

"What about Sam?" Dean looked like he was 8 again to his brother at that moment; it was blinding.

"The grannies can take care of him." Was the quick response from Eloise, "We don't need all that pain again, Dean. Dealing about everything before had been hard enough the first time, let alone going through it all again. Like dad said, it was Sam who took mom away."

Dean frowns to this, "But Ted, you know that's not-" he questions while pulling away from the hug.

"Trust me, Dean. It's better this way. We just do what dad wants and just keep doing what we do. Sam is gonna be alright. He's here now, isn't he? And he looked okay to you, right?"

"I think so."

Eloise frowns,"You're not sure?"

" No, I mean he looks fine, Ted."

"Good."

Eloise stares at the lake in front of them and got lost in thought somehow. 'This is just messed-up, dad. This is all your fault. You did this to us.' he groans inwardly to this. "Dean, don't get yourself too worked up on this, okay?" he says in concern to his brother. "What happened to you then, I can't have that again now, you hear? That had been too much for me then too." His hand cradling Dean's nape.

"You got it, Ted."

"By the way, Dean," Eloise takes the younger boy by the chin and makes him look up, "...the next time he hits you, I'm giving him a beat down so bad he won't be remembering his name for a month, squirt. I swear. I won't care next time who he is, he lays a hand on you, I'll beat him up." Eloise breathes his threat to Armando for laying the hurting on his squirt. "I will let it go for now like you asked."

"Thanks, Teddy." He initiates a fistbump from Eloise who enables him; in addition, he pulls Dean for a kiss on the top of the head. "Ted, come on? You can't kiss me in public anymore, man!? Girls could be watching!" Dean looks around and then back at Eloise. "I'm 14 now! No, kissing The Dean anymore!"

"You kissed me earlier with the hug when you got here, and I can't kiss you?" Eloise whines, "You always let me kiss you, squirt?"

"Just not in public anymore though, deal?" Dean tells him.

"Deal."

They fistbumped.

"Hey, Ted...do you think I can bunk in with you tonight? I just don't wanna be anywhere near gramps right now. I mean, just for tonight. I swear."

"Alright, squirt. I'll give grams a call."

It took three rings before the call was picked-up. And when it finally was picked up, Dean noticed Eloise practically tense-up beside him while on the payphone; Dean standing in front of him. When he heard a different voice besides the grannies, Eloise can't help but feel as though he was just doused with warm water all over.

Sam had picked the call up. And Eloise was just hearing the kid's voice for the first time after 6 years of not being able to hear it. His eyes were tearful and there was a lump in his throat all of a sudden.

"Put grams on the phone, kid." Eloise says curtly, but deep inside he was fondly reconciling Sam's grown up 10 -year old voice to a face. But he gets nothing. "It's Ted." He follows up.

"Teddy?" The kid says, after which when Eloise heard their baby brother say his name in his 10 year old voice, he needed to shut his eyes and turn his back to Dean. He felt tears falling, he didn't want him to see them. He felt Dean's hug around his waist anyway.

Sam happily smiles at hearing his big brother's voice on the phone, he would have said something else too; besides saying his name just then, and Eloise too, himself would have, only that was the moment Amaliah picked to take the call over from Sam.

"The next time he lays a hand on Dean, grams...the gloves are coming off!" Eloise angrily says to her in the middle of their conversation. After belting out apologies for her husband, and after Eloise establishes that Dean was sleeping over at his place, the call ended.

"Are they coming home, grama?" Sam quietly asks. She touches him on the cheek, "I'm sorry, baby. But not tonight. Dean is sleeping over at Ted's."

"I've missed them." The kid says of his big brothers. "I've missed them for so long." Sam clutched his chest saying this; but Amaliah misses it, having pulled Sam in a hug.


	7. Chapter 7: The Option On The Table

Chapter Seven: The Option On The Table

Bright and early the next day, the equally bright sunny morning finds the 14 year-old climbing up the lattice on the side of the house on bumble bee street in Lincoln Plains; the Whitfield manor; Heading up to his own bedroom, he really doesn't plan on seeing either of the grannies yet; maybe later. So opt for lattice route he did.

Instead of finding himself inside his bedroom though, Dean miscalculates and ends up in someone else's; that someone else being Sam. And the kid is still sleeping on his bed; all curled up under his thick blanket making him look really vulnerable to Dean.

He carefully walked towards the bed; doubly making every effort not to make any uneccessary sound that was gonna rouse the kid. At that moment there, Dean was actually having an argument with himself in his head.

One part of him was asking him what in the name of Pete he was even doing deliberately miscalculating ending up there; when he knows that lattice route like the back of his hand. While the other part of him, the big brother part who loves Sam dearly and misses him, could only just push him further towards the bed.

And for a moment, Dean let the latter win. He didn't put up a fight. He watched the kid sleep for like ages. A smile is up on his face. Sam looked peaceful. And what it was that drew Dean to even lean down and give the kid a kiss on the cheek, he blames still on the latter part of him, the big brother part.

As he was successfully able to extract himself out of there to his own bedroom, after a quick shower, as he stood in front of the mirror with only a towel around his waist, hair standing up on his head, dripping all over; Dean could only smile whilst brushing his teeth.

He has somehow decided to give it a shot; embracing Sam back into his life. He knows Eloise told him not to, but watching Sam earlier, it made him rethink that option. Dean recalls the happy feeling he used to feel having his baby brother around him; just like when they were younger; getting hugs from Sam, kisses from Sam, giggles from Sam, most especially, love-from Sam. His Sam.

Dean excitedly bustles around in his room looking for a change of clothes when he hears the phone ringing down the hall. He'd have bounded down the hall had it been any normal day, the calls normally would always be for him. His guys or his girl looking for him. Right now though, with the eagerness to finally be able to talk to Sam and welcome him home officially overwhelming him, their calls would just have to take back burner for him at the moment.

The next thing he hears though, as he is making his way down towards Sam's bedroom, is Amaliah taking it. The call. As the boy was making his way down further the long empty hallway, towards the direction where he knows his grandmother was taking the call, what he heard made his heart sink.

She was talking to John.

Dean finds himself listening to the conversation, leaning against the wall at the mouth of the hallway, but he made sure he was obstructed from his grandmother's view the entire time. He sighs heavily to the topic of said phonecall from their old man; it was just as he guessed, Sam.

John found out about what Jorgine did behind his back; and he is not happy about it. He wants Sam sent back to the Valley. Dean half expected for Amaliah to bend over backwards just like before to accommodate John; he was even starting to get his back from off the wall and head back to his room too, feeling disappointed, only what he heard her tell him off with somehow made him smile. Amaliah is adamant, Sam is staying in the Plains whether John wants Sam to or not.

Dean thought that that had been that, only John was not gonna give up easy. He plans on coming back too; but just when that is though or where John was gonna stay, the boy could just clench his fists to either side of him after such onslaught of various information came hitting him all at once; most especially the ones he doesn't know much about, mostly involving their old man. He sighs heavily within.

'Ted is right. It's best for everybody.' Dean says to himself of what he and Eloise talked about involving Sam. His eyes rested on Sam's door as he walked past the kid's bedroom along the way, he paused there for a good while and then went back to his own bedroom and went back to sleep.

Neither of the grannies even knew Dean had come home already. All the while they have been thinking he is still at Eloise's. Breakfast had come and gone, next comes lunch. Amaliah was almost about done with it too and was about to call Sam and Armando, when Dean comes in the swinger door to the dining area, yawning; hair standing up on his head.

"Dean, didn't hear you come in. What time did you come in?" She meets him halfway with a hug. He wraps her with a long one too. Upon pulling away, she cradles Dean's face in her hands as she inspected the cut Armando gave the boy. She grimaces to this. Dean moves his face away and pulled away altogether.

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger as they say, right grams?" Dean smugly says, his signature lopsided grin decorating his face. He finds his spot behind the table and sat down. Amaliah makes an additional spot on the table for Sam. Dean watched her do this. He groans, he just remembered. Sam was back. And he was gonna be sitting across the table from him. They are gonna be eye to eye. That made Dean groan inwardly even more. But he was only half-dreading really.

'I wish Ted were here.' He says to himself. 'He'd know what to do.'  
He had barely gotten that wishful thinking across, when in comes Sam coming in from the side of the house through the back door from doing some raking outside at the lawn. Dean tenses up. His breathing caught. He felt like passing out.

'Dean, like Ted said... keep doing what you're doing. You can't go through the pain of losing him again.' He tells himself while his green pair followed Sam as the kid makes his way around the table to the seat in front of Dean, directly. Both of them tossing each other awkward glances until Sam sat down. Sam looks away first. Dean doesn't remove his eyes from the kid though. He was busy just looking at Sam. Still reeling from the fact that he's actually there now. And all grown up.

Armando coming in the room a lot later, and it became even more awkward in there. While Sam ate, he once in awhile sneaks glances at Dean across the table from him. He smiles to himself. When he was growing up in the Valley, not a day went that he didn't mention his big brother's name back there. To people around him, or just to himself. He may have sooner forgotten about his parents and Eloise, but never Dean. They have always been the closest.

He even writes him everyday; with the help of his aunt Jorgine of course. He sent him letters everyday too; since he was 4, all those years he was away, stopping only a week ago when Sam got too busy with packing; he told Dean everything in those letters. Now if only Dean got them. Oblivious to both boys somehow, Sam's letters never got to Dean. He doesn't even know they existed. They are all sitting somewhere in the garage unopened, boxed; everyone of them successfully intercepted.

Sam volunteers to do the dishes after lunch, and Amaliah, being the romantic that she was; she intended for a reunion and bonding to commence somehow between the brothers, so she volunteers Dean in there too. The boy actually felt eager to have a moment with Sam by himself, but as he was minutes literally from speaking his first words to him, he suddenly felt the very same degree and intensity of pain he felt then that day Sam was taken away from him; no chance for goodbyes, no last moments to be able to say 'I love you', nothing. Sam was just gone. Six years, he was gone.

It's only been barely a year that Dean has actually started recovering from that loss, it was when he turned 13. And then along comes Sam again. With him, all the pain again. It shouldn't be that way, but John somehow successfully made it that way. Made Sam turn from being source of happiness to source of pain, of grief, to his big brothers. All because John couldn't and wouldn't move on without his Mary.

Behind the sink doing the dishes, was Sam. Dean next to him. That was the perfect little set-up Amaliah left in there before she and her husband went out into the den. She'd have thought that that had been a good idea too, to be doing; thinking the brothers needed it. Only she couldn't be more wrong.

The second she left them, Dean, after looking over his shoulder towards the door to make sure they were alone in there, turns to Sam, "Why couldn't you have just stayed away altogether?" He fiercely whispers at Sam. The kid could just look this big brother with a confused look on his face. "We were just about getting over you leaving us, Sam...we were starting to be okay again too...and then, from out of nowhere you come back? For what? Huh? To what? Cause us pain again? Cause me all that friggin' pain again? I say enough, Sam! No more!" It had been oblivious to Dean that he had grabbed Sam's arm earlier and was forcefully holding it; his fingers are practically piercing onto the kid's skin while he was talking down to him.

Sam just stood there the whole time staring at Dean; fear in his eyes, and unshed tears. He was scared, but mostly, confused.

"You bring so much pain with you...too much even, I just want you to stay the h*ll away from me. As far away from me, Sam. You understand? Cause I can't go through everything I went through again. I won't! All those times you were gone...they hurt me so bad like you wouldn't imagine. You gave me that much pain, Sammy. You did. I hate you for it!" Dean's eyes carried all the pain, anger, resentment and bitterness behind it as he looked at the kid. And Sam very well saw and felt it all too. But especially when tears managed to join in the mix too. Dean may not have meant to shed them, especially not in front of Sam, but somehow his tears went rogue on him.

After having said it, Dean takes off his apron; with offense tosses it aside onto the counter top right before he heads out of there through the back door.

Sam made sure he finished everything that needed to be done in there first before he made himself scarce in the basement. He found a corner down there, in between the dryer and the wall; and he found solace there. Everything Dean said, and all the emotion he had when he said them, it made Sam even more confused. As he sat there in miserable solitude, he was crying; nursing his chest the entire time.

'I don't understand, Dean... I don't understand...' Sam says to himself, '...they said you wanted me to go.' He clutched his shirt next to his heart as his face drew to his chest, "I thought I was doing what you wanted, Dean...daddy said..." he says quietly, "...daddy said so..."

And then what Dean said of staying away from him echoes in his head, it made the kid's eagerness to be with his big brothers vanish altogether. As he sobbed harder to that thought right there, staying away, again, when he is so near this time; home even, it made his sickly little heart break even more.


	8. Chapter 8: And So It Begins

Chapter Eight: And So It Begins

Sam has been with them one year; he's turned 11, and Dean is also a year older. The younger boy is an inch taller now too. Having lived with Dean for a time now, he has learned where and when to be whenever his big brother is home.

Amaliah and Armando has been putting their foot down regarding to how Dean's been not even talking to Sam, but Eloise was the louder voice in the whole matter. And after he has been reminding Armando about not touching his squirt again or more trouble was gonna come out of it, they thought it best to just leave the brothers be to take care of their situation on their own. And that has been what was happening at the Whitfield manor.

So far Sam's strategy of avoiding Dean has been working for over a year now; what was even gonna happen should he and Dean meet face to face again, Sam was guessing it is not gonna be good. The last time with Dean telling him he brought him pain, Sam doesn't want to hear that again; or see Dean in pain and crying because of him, Sam doesn't want that even more.

How he has even managed all this time to stay out of Dean's way, living under the same roof with the guy, he just loves the older boy that much he found means. Even Dean's friends are off limits. Sam is to stay away from them too; or all of hell was gonna break loose. And Dean was gonna be bringing it.

Sam saw Dean's friends arrive earlier. From afar he had somehow gotten to know of them somehow; who was who and the kind of guys they are. So far, from what Sam had seen of Dean's friends, they are all good people.

Henry was the goofy, smart one; and he is the same age as Dean and Brandon. Brandon is Dean's best friend, he heard their grams refer to the Mac boy as that one time. Marclester or as the guys fondly call him Mac, he is the oldest, he's 17; and sort of is the big brother in the set-up; alongside Todd Williams. Both of them serious guys but funny too; and they mostly have the say in the group, even Dean respects them. And Robin Sennett, as Sam could tell is the baby of the gang; he is 12. He could easily tell because, well, everyone babies him.

As he watches them from his bedroom window whenever they hang out at the manor with Dean, mostly in the yard or driveway, Sam more than once had wished before if he could be one of Dean's friends instead, even for just one day and not his little brother; so he could be around him.

He could hear laughter and playful bantering in the driveway while the guys and Dean were shooting hoops. It made him sigh sadly. He was lonely. And he was sad. And to top that all off, he was sick. He has a heart condition; reason behind why he was even back home. He wants so bad to be around his big brothers; but neither Dean nor Eloise wants him to be.

They both have made it crystal clear to him; Dean, that one time he told him to stay away from him because he was causing him pain; which was encored soon after by both brothers the next time, with Eloise doing all the talking. Sam remembers the phantom pain on his arm where Eloise grabbed him the first time he met him again after 6 years.

Sam got too caught up with all the flashbacks in his head as he was just watching the guys at the driveway, when Dean about that time looks up and catches him at the window. The kid quickly pulls himself away from there and slid to the floor. He grew pale in seconds.

Before long he was being cornered in his room by Dean.

"Dean, I was just looking at them. I was careful that they didn't see me, I swear." Sam says quietly. "I was really careful, Dean."

Dean has him by the scruffs and has pinned him against the dresser. "I told you they were off limits, didn't I?" He refers to his friends, "Even looking at my friends, Sam? A no-go for me. What do you even got to be ogling at them for, huh?" He shakes him. Sam's small hands are circled onto Dean's wrist impeding him by shirt front.

"I just wanted to see you guys play, Dean." Sam says, "Is all." He whimpers and his voice shook after Dean slams him against the wall there. "I was really really careful they didn't see me, Dean-" he winces.

"Oh yeah?" Dean scoffs, "Well, I saw you!" He spat angrily. "You were there baiting to be seen by them, were you, huh? You little prick?"

"No, Dean. Honest." The 11 year-old even nervously raises up his shaking hand in mid-air for a show of his honesty; big fat tears falling down the sides of his face. "I just really wanted to watch you guys play...honest, Dean. Cross my heart." And he even does the gesture. "I won't do it again. I won't. I promise... I really really promise."

Dean angrily locks gaze with the kid for a good while before he viciously punches the wall next to kid's face; Sam holds both arms across his face and shut his eyes. He would have cowered to the floor too only Dean still has him by the scruff with his free hand. And then it came, Dean recoils said free hand; the next thing it does, it lands a vicious hit onto the kid's side. Sam literally stopped breathing for a couple of seconds. And his hold on Dean's wrist on his scruff holding him in place, tightened, when the older boy's other hand in a fist landed on his small body. Dean leans in to Sam's ear,

"My friends are never ever going to meet you and you are never ever going to meet them, do you understand me?" He fiercely whispers and hit the kid again.

"Yes, D-ddean." Sam manages to softly say; his eyes showed he was in pain, but Dean was not about to feel that. He let go. Sam automatically dropped to the floor on his knees after he loses feeling to his legs.

The kid finds himself inside his closet not long after Dean's exit from his bedroom. Curled up in a small ball of misery, Sam's mind was going miles per second in there as everything started to come back to him full force what he went through in the Valley too.

Pain unfortunately not being foreign to him back there either; where he was alone, unloved mostly by all, only with the exception of Aunt Jorgine and for the first few months of his arrival there til he suddenly changed one day, his cousin Kelly.

His only reason of him still keeping sane then were all the way back in Lincoln Plains; big brothers Dean and Eloise- both of which don't even want anything to do with him now that he is home.

That made the kid cry even harder, clutching his shirt next to his heart; moments later, his nose is bleeding.


	9. Chapter 9: Remeeting Sam

Chapter Nine:

Coming home from school, Sam usually just walks all the way home. He really doesn't need to be piqued on in the bus by the bigger kid's knowing that the same big kids in his class are gonna be in it too. They may have piqued on him for the first few weeks he came in but after awhile, they just forgot about him since they didn't think it was fun anymore piquing on someone asthmatic. They'd just end up feeling sorry about it again like the last couple of times they did pique on Sam. That may have been what they were thinking already now, but Sam didn't want to be pushing his luck. So to avoid getting their sights getting drawn towards him again, Sam opts for total avoidance.

School is just 10 blocks away from home. And Sam really doesn't mind walking home; he gets to play at the playground along the way for 5 minutes; even feed the ducks at the pond inside the park beside it. That and Sam could just be himself; a kid. Even for just those measely 10 minutes during his route home from school.

He'd do the slides, the swing, the seesaw-with the smaller kid's there, even the bar-thingys. And for a few minutes Sam was happy. Could be happy.

"HI, Mr. Lee!" Sam shrugs off his backpack and got beside the old man by the pond feeding the ducks. They have been feeding the birds together for awhile now; eversince that day they met at the same spot 6 months ago. Sam knows he isn't supposed to even be talking to strangers, but having been starved for affection, companionship which he doesn't really get much from home, he finds in the park.

Fortunately for him, he finds a good person in Mr. Lee. He's a war veteran who is everyday driven by his grandson there to spend time feeding the ducks just to while the day away. He gets picked up too the same time Sam leaves for home. They would talk just about everything under the sun too; he'd tell Sam war stories, his grandchildren, his brothers - which is the kid's favorite topic of all.

"How was your day today, son?" Mr. Lee hands Sam a bag of pinched bread crumbs he himself had done earlier for easy eating for the birds and easy feeding for him and Sam to do.

"Thank you." Sam says as he took the bag, "I have to make a book report later. It's gonna be a long night for me, . But It's cool though , Cause I love to read." He gives the old man a big happy smile. "Oh and my day was fine too, thank you for asking!" He chuckles.

"That's good to hear, kid."

"How about your day, Mr. Lee? "

Sam is a few houses from home when he hears a familiar noise coming from around the corner; he knew right away that it was coming from home. Dean was home early and was hanging out with his friends. The kid quickly ducks out of sight behind the bushes before any of Dean's friends could see him. He plops his behind onto the sidewalk obstructed by the bushes and just sat there, tired, hungry and sleepy. He thought of shimmying his way alongside the house to head for the kitchen but then he had to pass by the porch to do that and the guys were there, and most importantly Dean. And it didn't matter how much Sam would be doing his best to avoid being detected by Dean; whenever his friends are involved and Sam is anywhere near them, he finds Sam out.

The kid didn't want to risk Dean hurting him again. The first time he got physically roughed up by his big brother, it had involved the guys. And he didn't even meet them then; he was just watching them from afar. What Dean would actually do to him should he actually run into any of the older boy's friends, Sam is thinking Dean would possible kill him by then. He really loves his friends.

Sam looked up at the afternoon sun. It was time for his medication. Normal he'd be home by now and would be taking them. He did not expect to run into this problem at the moment that he is having; getting hampered taking his medication by Dean and his friends hanging out at home on a Tuesday. They usually hanging out at Henry's on Tuesday's. But not today.

He nurses his chest. Sam is starting to get concerned. He needs his medication really bad. As he sat there contemplating for awhile, he noticed as he strained his ears to listen, the voices were not that loud anymore. He carefully peeps through the bushes and saw the porch to be empty of the guys and Dean. He slowly got up and as low as he could get to the ground, he shimmied and ducked his wasy to the back door leading to the kitchen. He knows Dean's friends would never think of hanging out there; they have not before. So head there Sam does.

After making sure the coast was clear in there, Sam slowly and as quietly as possible, goes in. He immediately heads for the medicine cabinet next to the pantry and took his kit out. He heads for the sink next and still with as much quiet as he could muster, he takes his meds in there and even succeeds in putting everything back in place without getting a peep out.

He was just about to head to the counter top to grab his back pack and go back outside until Dean's friends would leave for later; when the swinging door separating the kitchen from the dining area swings open and Brandon steps in. When he sees Sam in there he actually literally stepped back. He was startled a bit. But then again, judging by the version of the reaction from Sam, his's was practically subdued.

Sam freezes in his spot and turns ashen where he stood. He hugs his bag to his chest as if for dear life. Brandon, thinking on his toes, he smiles and then waves at the kid to keep him from crying or passing out, he isn't sure really just why he even did what he did. He just thought he needed to do something at that moment.

"Hi, Sam..." Brandon says. He saw Sam looking towards the direction of the door. After the older boy made sure nobody followed him in there, with a lowered decibel, he resumes talking to Sam. The kid just looked really spooked. That concerned Brandon a lot. "...remember me? I'm... "

"Brandon." Sam quietly says. He was wary. "You're Dean's best friend." He confidently shares this information. A small wary smile on his face.

Brandon smiles, he nodded. "You know who I am. That's pretty cool right there." Brandon slowly inched his way around the counter top towards Sam, he sees the kid tense up, following him tentatively with his eyes. The older boy, he holds a hand up to tell Sam it was fine. "Don't be scared, kid. Just wanna meet you." Sam shakes his head. "You don't wanna be friends with me?"

"Dean won't like it." Sam says softly. "He will be angry with me."

Brandon frowns to this. Cue in the Mac boy recalling everything of this particular conversation months ago that Dean had with him and the guys at the Pits, it's where they usually hang out for pool and non-alcoholic drinks on weekends.

Dean, aiming for the last ball into the pocket; he is pitted against Todd and he is winning. "I just want everything back to the way it was before that kid came back." He takes a shot and it goes in. He straightens himself up and hands the cue stick to Brandon. Todd growls at this. But immediately lost interest in brooding over his loss after he noticed Dean wasn't even gloating at him about it. He caught his friends looking at each other after folllowing Dean with their eyes. And then they shrug at each other.

The Winchester boy was out of his element at the moment. He found a spot on the couch across the room from the pool table. Brandon was automatically adjacent to him on the smaller couch.

"You okay, man?" Brandon asks him.

Dean looks up and shrugs, "Yeah, B. I'm fantastic." He says to mock. When the Mac boy would have started to say something again, Dean doesn't give him avenue.

"Do I look okay to you? I haven't been sleeping for ages, B! I am always angry...and I have this pain in my chest that frigging feels like it's ripping me apart from the inside out I don't know what to do anymore about it! I do not know how to stop all this either, you know what I mean? I especially hate that I am feeling this hateful and angry and at my own little brother no less. And again I just can't seem to stop, man!" He suddenly kicks at Brandon's foot. "Need to vent so bad!"

"Darn it, Winchester! Don't vent on me here though!" Brandon snaps back in response to his best friend giving him grief. Only Dean just distractedly kept his gaze onto the glass table in front of him like he hadn't just had word bouts with the Mac boy moments ago.

"B, don't..." Robin mouths to him as he made his way and sat next to Dean on the long couch. Brandon backs down.

By this time the rest of the guys have joined them. Robin is on one side of Dean. Henry on the other; Mac took to the other small couch across the one where Brandon was on, while Todd opted to just stand next to Mac's couch.

They overheard what Dean said. But could only offer their collective presence since they could pretty much give him truckloads of advice regarding Sam, but just like before in the past, like a year ago; Dean would only get agitated and abrasive towards them. And since they've always been like real blood brothers to each other and actually go way back, Dean being a part of each other's lives, hence caring and loving the kid, they back away.

Brandon snaps out of the flashback and back into the kitchen situation he was in with Sam; it was after he heard Dean's from the den and he is looking for him. The older boy never missed the look of fright on Sam after he heard his big brother's voice. Brandon would have told him it was gonna be alright, he turned around a second to call out to Dean he was gone be right there when Dean's face pops in the swinger.

"Did you get lost?" Dean asks, smirking. Brandon spins his head towards Sam's earlier spot, which was behind the counter top across the room from him, and found it to have been empty how of the kid now. While getting his reply out to Dean, he was at the same time, as subtle as possible, scanning the place with his eyes for Sam.

"I must have dropped my cap in here." He says to Dean.

"Why would you think of looking in here?" Dean sasses. Brandon, he found the tip of the kid's sneakers peeping behind the couner top. Turns out the kid just ducked behind it earlier. So before Dean could even find him out, should he walk in there himself. Brandon shoves him out altogether. Brandon walks around the counter to get to Sam who was hiding there, he knelt one knee in front of Sam. Gives him a wink, "Glad to see you again, Sam." He whispers. Then makes his voice normal decibel again, "Found my cap!" He announced, pulling it out of his back pocket. He gets up from behind the counter top which obstructed him and Sam from Dean. He gets up to meet Dean's face popping in the door again.

"Should I alert the media now-what?" Dean mocks, "Come on, let's go!" He goes back out. Brandon winks at Sam who smiles at him before he eventually left.


	10. Chapter 10 'Venting' Machine

15-year old Dean Winchester is bleeding in the mouth; Todd still has him by the Scruffs and was pinning him against the hood of Mac's ride; it was a minute ago that the kid was jumped by the Williams boy after they had been told of the latest problem involving their younger friend.

That being Dean.

Brandon is immediately at Dean's aide; butting heads with Todd. His eyes are tearful; he rarely makes it a habit of his going against his older friends unless it is of utmost neccessity [which always has to do with Dean], because he respects them a great deal, even more than he does his own big brother Kyle; only Dean is his best friend. He must protect him; just as he knows Dean would always do for him-what they do for each other in their little group.

"Please, Todd..." the Mac boy has Todd by the scruff, not really his intent to actually do the older boy any harm, or disrespect; more like to keep him from getting even more punches on Dean. Henry is nearby too, to jump in; should Todd decide to turn on Brandon as well.

Mac, was quick to the intercept this time. After the initial shock had worn off after having seen Todd actually using his fists on one of them; that and seeing the distress in his favorite baby boy cousin, on Henry as well, and not to mention the bloody mouth on Dean, he takes the reigns.

He got alongside Todd on the other side across Brandon and Henry on the opposite side of the Williams boy. He has a firm grip in Todd's arm and after he made him look him in the eyes,"Enough, let go." That one look and tone from Mac and Todd backs down. He lets go.

"Todd, understand this..." he puts his arm around Todd's shoulders as he takes him aside, "...your fists are never for the little brothers again, are we clear? There never should have been this first time in the first place, brother. What Dean did was beyond idiotic, I agree with you a thousand percent on that, I do...but he's little brother in this set-up, Todd. One of our little brothers. And we," he slaps the back of his hand to Todd's chest and then claps his palm on his own for emphasis," you and me? The big brothers. Supposedly. And we should never be hurting them. Ever. Were ought to be protecting them. Cause that is what big brothers are supposed to be doing. Not this." He refers to Todd hurting Dean.

"'I'm sorry, man." Todd says apologetically, his eyes are on Dean nursing his jaw, Brandon doting on his buddy as usual.

"This is what I keep saying about Dean and his temper, Mac." Todd says. Rubbing his temple.

"Like I said, it was idiotic." Mac says, giving out a heavy sigh, "He has been mulling over his problems at home about Sam, probably about his old man too...he is venting out through this. He's acting out. St*pidly if I might add."

"Guys, I'm sorry." Dean calls out, Mac and Todd not having been talking that discreetly earlier; they could hear everything, which only made Dean feel even worse.

"Give us a minute, Dean." Mac says to him.

"He's 15, Mac. You can just imagine what that kid could do once he's not a minor anymore? He could murder people!" Todd resumes talking, ignoring Dean.

"So, if he does, you're gonna stop being his friend, Williams?" Mac questions him, "That it? You turning your back in him?" Todd's eyes are back to looking at Dean's direction after he panned them away earlier onto Mac. He saw the Winchester boy look down.

"I'm really sorry..." they even hear Dean say under his breath.

"Course not." Todd finally says, "That's not gonna happen, Dean. You hear?" He calls out to the kid; their gazes meet. "All I"m saying Dean, you got to learn to use restraint, man. And I know I am going to back you up no matter what-even cover up bloody murder for you, Dean... but what if that one time none of us are there and your anger got away from you. What if you got into that zone of yours and you feel like killing somebody that bad, being that angry. And you are in the company of someone you love? What then? What if you end up his hurting them?"

Dean, as he heard all that from Todd, he started to sniffle. And since he is Dean, proud to be seen shedding tears; after he asked to be alone for awhile, he walks off onto the other end of the Pit's parking lot where they were at.

"Where are you going?" Mac calls out to Todd who was walking towards his motorcycle.

"Damage control. I'm heading out to see about this kid Dean just marauded, ask around if there were witnesses. Bribe them if I have to." Todd says, "It's Blue Velvet Ave, right?"

"Yeah, and the kid's name is Stahl. Gabriel Stahl." Henry tells him as he got alongside Todd already on his motorcycle and putting his helmet on."Todd, want back up?"

"You stay here."

"You sure?" Henry asks, looking concerned.

"Yeah." Todd smiles and gives him a nod. "I'm sure. Besides, I didn't bring an extra helmet. You know it's safety first with me, don't you?"

"Yeah." Henry claps Todd on the shoulder, "But you be...just watch yourself, brother. " He added and then goes on to giving Todd a hug.

"It's always got to be the hug with you, huh?" Todd smirks as he hugs the kid back. Henry, pulling away, smirks right back.

"Course." He says.

"Hey, man... where have I heard Stahl before?" Todd asks Henry as he was starting the engine of his motorcycle. "It feels like I've heard it before somehow. It's bugging me."

"That playmaker from that school in the Valley Lincoln High played against one time during the championship season two years ago. Jersey number 1. Remember him?"

Todd scrunches his brows thinking back on the memory Henry points him towards the direction of. "Oh right, Jt, was it?" He snaps his fingers in the air. "Jeremy Stahl!"

"That's him!"

"Didn't we hang out with their team after the game that time?"

"Yeah, he and Dean hit it off kind'a. Made Brandon jealous, remember? That was funny ." Henry laughs; Todd snickers, "Yeah, I remember." And then a couple of seconds ticked and their respective faces turn serious.

"Jeremy never mentioned having a little brother then, didn't he?" The older boy asks quietly. Henry could only look even grimmer. And then he watched Todd drive away around the corner. The event that Dean is involved in started to go back to Henry as he stood there watching Todd disappear altogether. It was a big deal. This time, it isn't like any other of Dean's usual kind of trouble; it involves a kid. An 11-year old boy named Gabe.

A girl Dean has been dating, Dana Mayer, whom the boy feels he is actually in love with, somehow finds out that Dean is two-timing her with another girl. Who only happens to be the real girlfriend, Maureen Smither's. And she has refused to see him again, making Dean crazy and irrational. Tailing the girl half the day, he finds her heading to an apartment in Blue Velvet and chances upon her being met half way at the door by another boy. Made unreasonable by insane jealousy, Dean waited all day outside the place at the chance of getting his revenge realized somehow; onto the boy whom the girl was seeing.

Only Dean jumps the wrong kid. And it had been too late before he realized it. The harm had already been done.

Henry nursed his temple. It made his head ache somehow. The idea of seeing Dean get his hands on this kid, even just inside his head, imagining it; it had already been too much for him. Even more so the idea of this Stahl kid, should he turn out to be related to a kid they knew in the past, the brain boy doesn't even want to imagine the aftermath should it be true.

"It just has to be coincidence somehow." Henry says to himself. 'There has got to be more than just one Stahl in Lincoln.'


	11. Chapter 11: Twisted

Chapter Eleven:

When Todd pulled over across the street of the apartment in Blue Velvet, his eyes automatically get pulled towards the huddle at the steps of the building. It was kids their age, about seven of them and they seem to be discussing something of great importance; judging by the looks on their faces; which can only be described as grievous.

As he observes further, he had to groan inwardly after a new found information slapped his senses in. 'Jeremy.' Todd says mentally, he recognized the Stahl boy within the huddle. The Williams boy immediately knew, this kid Jeremy is related to the kid Dean hit. Judging by the look on Jeremy's face, eyes red and puffed, like he had been crying them out not too long ago; the kid Gabriel could either be cousin or worse little brother.

Todd cussed in his head angrily; after crossing the street he pretended to be browsing through a bunch of magazines on a stand nearby; on display outside of a book store conveniently right next to the apartment where the huddle was in front of. As subtle as he could, he eavesdrops.

Unfortunately, the information he procured, had their worst nightmare founded. The kid Dean attacked happens to only be Jeremy's only sibling whom he loves dearly and would be doing everything for. And he and the rest of the group at the moment are vowing revenge soon.

Mac picks up Todd's call moments into his leaving the place called Blue Velvet, and pulling over on the side of the road just blocks away from the Pits. He knew the information was too urgent.

"Sonuvab*&$%!" Mac is heard string-cussing inside his vehicle where he took the call; Henry and him had been talking earlier waiting for news from Todd when the phone rang. The information Todd relays to him hit him like a large person on steroids. It took him awhile before was able to get Henry up to speed. And the brain boy is not happy either; in fact he is more antsy as opposed to earlier.

"What are we gonna do about this, Mac?" The younger boy sits in concern on the passenger seat up front next to Mac still behind the driver seat, only facing his side of the door; the door open and his feet onto the pavement. He felt queasy earlier he needed air.

"Whatever it takes to cover Dean's mess up, we're taking it." Mac says. "Whatever means necessary."

"We're laying off Jt though, right?" Henry tugs in Mac's shirt on the small of his back; Mac turns his face towards Henry's direction, but not altogether. "He has done nothing wrong."

Mac sighs even heavier. "Da** it, Dean!" He exasperatedly spat before he eventually gets out of the vehicle altogether and slammed the door after him. Henry could just sit there in turmoil. They have backed each other up before countless of times, but not as much as they have backed Dean up with his mess-ups. All of their's put together still would take second place to Dean's. That is how much trouble the boy always gets himself into.

Dean is a good kid, but he is mostly temperamental. He has not always been that way as far as Brandon could remember, and he knows Dean the best. The Mac boy attributes his best friend's altogether shift to his home life alteration when they were kids; sure Mary's death had been a big blow to Dean; but Brandon knows better somehow. It has more to do with Sam getting pulled out of the picture all of a sudden and ultimately away from Dean.

The boy has all these suppressed emotions he has yet to let out; resentment towards their dad mostly, and also of confusion over a lot of issues. Whether to allow or not allow himself to accept Sam back into their lives is one; since it will only mean pain again should their dad decide to do what he did before-take Sam away again. Dean dreads that happening ever again. But he badly wants too to just be able to go back to being able to love his baby brother again, freely; just like when they were kids; only he is too wrapped up in fear of pain. And all because of John. He has managed to somehow successfully twist his boys up in the head so much, on how they regard Sam, they have been suffering all these years because of it.

It is all coming out of Dean through his outbursts. It has been since he was 13. The second he started to forget all about Sam.

Three weeks after Dean's hit on Gabriel Stahl, Mac and Todd had somehow successfully extracted a witness out of their careful and extensive research, all thanks to the consolidated efforts of everybody, except for Robin, who is too young to be exposed to what happened and well, Dean; the cause. He is out of the picture at the moment; quarantined at home until the situation is resolved somehow. And just as Mac told Henry, by all means necessary. Whatever it takes, it will be taken.

They did not even talk later on about what they had resolved to do just to keep Dean's identity safe. They just found a way and were able to resolve the problem.

A month later and it was all back to normal; like Gabriel Stahl's vicious attack by Dean had never happened; or so the guys thought. Since for the past month, one of the dim-lit rooms in the Whitfields's manor has been witness to the tossing and turning its lonely occupant has been constantly doing every night. Only since Dean, just happens to have mastered the perfect poker face somehow, his friends were none the wiser to the real story.

He feels guilty and it is eating him alive. Jeremy Stahl was a friend of his, he wanted to just find him already and just accept whatever the consequences of his actions the Stahl boy would deal his way; and he had actually suggested this to the guys, coming clean to Jeremy; only it owned him the quarantine. So at the risk of losing his friends, which he could never allow, Dean rather decides to just keep his guilt - tripping to himself. However, it only makes him even more twisted up inside.

He constantly finds himself in need of an outlet really bad most days; his home being the only avenue available for him to vent in, there the guys won't be able to read him.

Unfortunately, Dean finds not just an avenue but a target as well. And it answers the name of Sam. The kid, just as Dean commanded has been keeping to himself as much as he could all this time; only since Dean was seeking him out, just because he needs some form of release, there is pretty much nowhere to hide for Sam.

Sam constantly finds himself with bruises and welts almost everyday; at times with nosebleeds, and they necessarily do not have anything to do with his condition either. It was more Dean-induced than anything else. Just because he can.

Amaliah and Armando are fully aware of what was happening, only they just get too tired in dealing with Dean and then Eloise, and then ultimately John; who will be using his dad card on them again, much like before, so turn a blind eye they would rather instead of dealing with the situation head-on.

How they chose to handle it, whenever they see a bruise on Sam, they ignore it. They see cuts, ignore that too. Blood, even then.

And then before long, another year has gone by.

[Sam is twelve. Dean is sixteen.]

Sam had spent the afternoon fixing his bike in the garage when he had an encounter with Dean. Robin had come home with Dean that day and was in the den where he left him awhile to take a call from Maureen. He was taking so long, the 13-year old got bored; that was when Robin decided to wander aimlessly outside and ended up running into Sam in there.

The Winchester kid started to wheeze in there at the sight of Robin at the doorway. He knew Dean was home, he heard him come in earlier and he was inside. But he didn't expect he'd be tagging his friends along; which had been why he thought he could freely be outside where neither Dean nor any of his friends were going to be at.

Robin has been talking to him but Sam just stood there, dumb. His body had barely registered his newly acquired welts from Dean of last night's fiasco over trash duties, should his big brother see him actually with Robin, one of his friends; who he isn't supposed to be near to or talk to, Sam knows it is gonna own him even worse from Dean. He started to hyperventillate and then his asthma started to bully him too. He scrambles for his inhaler from his pocket but he unfortunately drops it. Robin rushes over to pick it up; and cue in Dean's entrance; walking in on the Sennett boy handing Sam his inhaler.

After telling Robin to head back inside for some juice, after making sure they were alone, Dean corners the kid in there. Blinded with anger at the thought of Sam going behind his back about the keep away from his friends deal, it made him actually disregard the kid's size and altogether frailty. Sam was already coughing out blood after he has hit him that many times, still Dean kept hitting him.

Amaliah had just finished putting Sam to bed, when Armando comes in to his wife sobbing at Sam's bedside. She has been watching Sam the whole time. The kid looked really pained even in sleep. He has cuts on his cheek, his lip; his arms, his forehead. Practically everywhere. She had barely fixed his wounds from last night and here she was doing it again. Only this time, Sam's bruises are really extensive. Dean was extra angry when he hurt the kid.

"I can't take this anymore, Armando. He is going to kill his brother if he keeps doing this and we are doing nothing about it! What kind of grandparents does this make us?" she softly sobs next to Sam's bed, Armando is standing next to her, holding on to her in a hug. Their topic of conversation took lots of turns until it came to the reason behind all the anger, the pain. It was Mary's death. And why she was even gone.

After the old couple left, Sam opens his eyes and just started to stare up the ceiling; tears falling to the sides of his face.

'It was my fault.' He sobbed. 'They all hate me because I took her away...' he curled up to his side into a ball, all the while nursing his chest. '...It was all my fault...'


	12. Chapter 12: Breaking Dam

Chapter 12:

His injuries had been too massive, Sam was too weak to even get up the next day. They wanted to bring him to the hospital really bad, considering Sam's actual condition, only since neither grandparents had any idea what cover up measures to undertake should questions be thrown their way as to the reason behind Sam ending up like so, without Dean or them getting the heat; so opted for the coward's way out they chose.

The kid was still sleeping when his grams checked up on him barely minutes prior. Amaliah could not help but sob again at the look on Sam's frail frame. She cursed at herself for being mum about it, this entire couple of years Dean has been hurting his little brother; she knows Mary would be cursing her too to her face should she be able to from her grave. Since only Mary couldn't, Amaliah considers herself lucky on that regard.

After spending the time she was in there picking up after the kid in Sam's bedroom, and after making sure Sam was at least breathing, and relatively peaceful, she went back out as quietly as she came in.

The second she stepped out, the window noiselessly opens and somebody with misty green eyes comes in through it. His feet were as lead, but he reaches Sam's bedside nonetheless after momentarily dragging them under him. His eyes scanned Sam's injuries that he was not unfamiliar with; him being the one who made them on Sam. After which, Dean started to quietly sob. Not long after, the boy finds himself sitting on the bed facing a sleeping Sam on there.

Dean carefully touched a welt on his little brother's arm that was resting on the kid's tummy area. The second his hand touched base, he realized Sam has a fever. That made him sob even more. He wanted so bad to just pick the kid up and hug him; hug tge fever, the bruises and the pain away altogether; but he knew that would only make things complicated again. Especially since until now, he is still awaiting their old man's dreadful return. And should he return and find Dean accepting Sam back, he knew it will mean even more pain.

Dean recalls what he and Eloise went through the first time. He felt for his big brother and for himself. The pain is insurmountable. After being able to get some of his bearing back, and after managing a soft kiss on Sam's cheek, the older boy started to get up and head back towards the window; when movement he hears coming from the direction of the bed behind him. Closely followed by a soft,

"I didn't know."

Dean groans as he shut his eyes. He woke Sam up. He thought of leaving; he thought of going hostile like normally he would on Sam, but after considering there was practically nothing he has not broken on the kid already, he restrains himself; and then he thought of just hearing what the kid had to say. Dean slowly finds himself turning around and walking back towards the bed.

Sam is too weak to sit up, but he was awake. Their eyes locked the second Dean was within his visual area. Dean has tears streaming down his face, but he doesn't even attempt to wipe them off as he never removed his eyes from Sam. He comes even closer to Sam's bedside; the entire time the kid follows him with his eyes.

"Dean, I didn't know then, but I do now." Sam says softly, "It was my fault. And I know it's not gonna change anything...it isn't much, but I just want you to know that I am really sorry."

Dean saw the tears on Sam. It made his breath caught, "Sam..." he whispers under his breath. By this time, Sam had painstakingly managed to sit up, swing his legs to the side of the bed and was looking up at Dean. Fat tears streaming down his reddened, bruised cheeks.

For a good minute, their eyes just locked with each other's. Neither said anything. Dean stood there, sobbing his heart out, much like Sam was doing himself.

Deafening silence.

And then it happened.

"Deanie, I'm really really sorry I took mom..." Sam sobbed.

And that was all it took. That was what broke Dean Winchester altogether. The magic word. Sam's 'Deanie' moniker to him. He drops to his knees in front of Sam and took the kid's face in between his hands. He just allows himself to study Sam's face close-up for awhile, with Sam not asleep this time.

"I've missed you... " Dean finally says, choking in his sob. Sam encircles his hands around Dean's wrists and clung on. "...I have missed you, Sammy... "

"I am really sorry, Dean..." Sam says in between tears.

"It wasn't your fault, you hear?" Dean says, "None of it."

"Mom's gone because of me, Dean."

"It wasn't like that. It was an accident." Dean wraps the kid in a hug, resting Sam's top of the head under his chin as he securely hugged him really tight against his chest. The second he had his little brother in that embrace, Dean shut his eyes and cries even harder. Sam wraps his arms around his big brother's waist and sobbed just as hard. 'I love you, Sam. I always have.' he says in his head.

As if hearing it from Dean, only he didn't. Dean only having said it inside his head that he loved the kid. Sam, as hugged the older boy around the waist even tighter, says it out loud, "I love you, Deanie..."

Dean shut his eyes tight. He hugs Sam even tighter.

"I am so sorry." Dean pulls away, he has the kid's face in his hands again, "I'm sorry for hurting you, Sam. And for...for taking so long with this. Truly, I am." He says apologetically, his voice shook. Sam nods and smiles in between tears which Dean rubbed away with his thumbs.

He leans in and kisses the kid on both cheeks.

"I've missed you, Dean." Sam says Dean brushes back the hair from Sam's damp forehead. He hugs him again.

"You go back to sleep, okay?" Dean says after awhile later when they were sitting next to each other on the bed, sides touching. "You have a temperature, Sammy. "

"Okay, Dean."

Dean wraps his arm around Sam's shoulders. "I'm just gonna give Ted a call about this." His brows furrowed as he pans his gaze towards the window. He knows Eloise is not gonna be with what he did. But he didn't want to keep anything from his big brother. He has not before. He's not gonna want to start now.


End file.
